I Don't Know What to Do!
There are lots of things I've learned from having been around the sun a few times.
I know to avoid big movies on opening weekend. I know I catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. I know to look both ways before I cross. I know which jeans make my ass look like the state of Texas (no offense Texans) and I know that if I drink red wine too late into the night I will get no sleep and act like a total bitch in the morning. Whatever the situation these days, I can usually say “no thanks” and feel just fine about it
But sometimes I still second-guess my own instincts.
I get stuck.
Like last August. I was trying to create my website. I was way out of my comfort zone. I hired a designer to help me but it still wasn't turning out the way I wanted. I thought about it all the time but whenever I went to work on it, I felt overwhelmed. So I kind of avoided it. "I suck at this" was a regular thought. "How can I have a business if I don't have a website??" was another good one. But "I don't know what to do!" was my favorite. I tortured myself regularly.
I retreated. I found myself surfing Facebook more than normal, and because I work from home, wandering into the kitchen 4-12 times in a morning for handfuls of whatever was in the cabinet. I procrastinated. I even disappeared into a marathon of the TV show "Scandal." I got short tempered and grumpy with my family and kept saying mean things to myself in my mind.
And it felt as shitty as a red-wine hangover.
But then, one day in October, like a tiny beacon or a big bang, a voice inside my head reminded me of a fundamental truth: everything will ultimately be OK. "Let it be" the voice said. "Breathe." "At least be nice to yourself!"
So I gave myself permission to back off. I started to feel better. And when I started to feel better it got easier to watch my mind and notice where I was attached to what I thought I "should" be doing. I waited for the next step to reveal itself. I asked for signs from the Universe and I Paid Attention.
About a week later I was having coffee with a friend. I told her that my website was currently on hold. She said, "Lisa, go get your computer. I can show you how to build your own site on Wix right now. It's super easy."
2 hours later I had the bones of my website and one week after that it went live. Once I stopped being so attached to having all the answers, the answers started coming.
Feeling like shit because you think you don't know what to do will do nothing but leave you feeling shitty.
It's OK not to know. The answer will come.