Here in My Car
What is it about being in a car that inspires meaningful conversation?
People tend to open up and spill when they are in a car. Some of the most interesting conversations I can remember have happened in cars. Like the time when my son was 4 years old asked me, "Mom, what's the name of that grown-up in the sky again"? "You mean God? "Yes! Is Mother Nature God's wife?"
Then there was the time in the car when he was in 3rd grade. He and his friend were talking about a kid in their class who told them that if they googled the "f word" they could see pictures…. (silent scream, mad dash from the driveway to check the parental controls on the computer).
Cars are little bubbles where magic can sometimes happen.
Cars get me places literally and often figuratively.
I was thinking about this today when I was talking to myself in the car. Yeah, I talk to myself sometimes. In the past 18 months I have been trying to pay attention when I feel less than optimal so that I can work to turn it around. Part of getting to the bottom of it is figuring out the thought behind the feeling.
It's not always convenient to sit down and write in a journal so I have started talking aloud to myself. This has been a really effective thought/mood changer and no doubt provides people with a good eye roll when they are stopped next to me at a traffic light. It might even be on the list of things to do when you are becoming a "crazy old lady" but it works for me so whatever. The solo conversations usually go something like this:
Me: What the fuck? Why am I feeling so bitchy?
Me: Um, I don't know…………………
Me: Yes, I do. It started after I went on Facebook this morning.
Me: Welllll- now that I mention it…. All these other people are doing so well at running their businesses. I have no fucking idea how to do this! Who am I even kidding?? This is going to tank.
Me: Can I be sure this is going to tank? How do I know that I don't know what I'm doing?
Me: Now that I'm saying it out loud I guess that I feel sort of OK about figuring it out. I'm not an idiot. There is just as much chance that I could rock it, as there is that it would tank. I have a ton of information and resources. It's normal to be unsure about something I've never done before. (Deep breath followed by another deep breath).
Me: What's the worst thing that could happen? I screw something up? Oh well. Shit happens! It won't be the end of the world or even the end of me.
Me: I actually feel a tiny bit bett------OMG: I love this song! (turns up the radio).
And there is a shift. Sometimes it's a big shift. Sometimes it's just enough to get me to the next moment and the next and it lessens the feeling. Or changes it. Or gets me to turn up the radio and sing along as loud as I want. Which instantly makes me feel better.